


exhaustion

by kihyxns



Series: caregiver magnus and constantly sick/injured alec [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, M/M, Sickfic, Tired Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-25 03:13:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14967911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kihyxns/pseuds/kihyxns
Summary: Alec doesn’t mean to wear himself down. It’s just that Magnus is away for a week, and he’s forgotten what it’s like to be lonely again.





	exhaustion

**Author's Note:**

> back again! i wrote this nearly a month ago but i wanted to finish voice:lost before i posted it. this is more emotional that others in the series, but still has the classic good parabatai jace and caregiver magnus which is what we're all here for.   
> i'm working on another two pieces, one of which should be finished soon, the other is questionable as its very different to these lighthearted fics and will take me longer to write in general. 
> 
> I just want to thank everyone who's reading this and the series, it really means a lot!! (my username may have altered you but) i have had a long writers block on my usual kpop fandoms and i sorta just fell into the shaowhunters and rolled with it, so i was worried that i wouldn't be as well recieved, but those worries have been put to rest. thank you so much!

Alec doesn’t mean to wear himself down. It’s just that Magnus is away for a week, and he’s forgotten what it’s like to be lonely again. 

With the last lingering kiss to his forehead, Magnus shuts the door behind him and the apartment walls seem to creep in with every second that Alec spends alone. It’s weird and he hates it but Magnus has to go to various parts of Asia for the centennial warlock gatherings. So even though Alec really secretly did not want him to go he just pretended that he would be fine alone for the week, because he does not want to get in between Magnus and his work, that wouldn’t be fair. 

It’s 08:30. He has to be at the institute at 09:00. Magnus just left to go portal with Catarina, leaving Alec alone for a solid ten minutes before he has to go. Alec picks his tea up from the side and sips the lukewarm beverage. He reassures himself that the week will go quickly, he’s taken on a couple of night patrols and missions, not having the commitment of being back at around 18:00 to abide to. Yeah, it’ll be fine. It’ll all be fine. 

—

It is not fine. He misses Magnus just dropping into to have lunch with him, misses his text messages throughout the day. It’s hard to adjust after months and months of being at each other’s sides, even if they’re not together every second of the day. Jace notices pretty quickly that Alec seems a little off, being lethargic with his work and so on. He doesn’t mention it the first day, knowing that his patrols should start the day after, but keeping the thought in the back of his mind, just in case. 

After a long, long day at work, Alec leaves the Institute. He feels uneasy walking home to an empty apartment, because he knows that it won’t be filled. He’s gotten home before Magnus before, that’s no rarity, but he’s never once spent the night alone there. He only decided to because of the fact that he hasn’t slept at the Institute since the first couple weeks after him and Magnus started dating. He feels a lot more comfortable at the loft, the cold walls of the Institute never truly appealed to him in the first place. 

He lets himself in and places his boots and coat away, disliking the fact that Magnus’ coat is not hung next to his. He goes into the kitchen and makes one coffee, before moving into the living room and onto a sofa. He brought some work back home with him, knowing that mundane TV wouldn’t be able to keep him occupied for long, he’d already finished season five of Brooklyn Nine-Nine a week ago with Magnus and nothing else has sparked his interest yet. His jeans are comfortable enough to just sit down and do a little bit of work, enough to tire himself out enough, but not too much. 

Alec ends up asleep on the sofa, his pen still resting in his hand as he dozes. He wakes, a couple hours after he drifted off due to the aching of his back from the awkward position it’s been in. He moves his papers and files onto the table in front of him, getting up to brush his teeth and change before getting into bed. He dives into the silky sheets that Magnus adores, burying his head into the pillows. He lets out a breath of relief of being in bed, closing his eyes as he does. 

However, even after a few minutes of laying he is still wide awake. Even though he was feeling pretty lethargic the whole day, his body has chosen this exact time to not want to go to sleep. His mind starts to wonder into the possibility that Magnus not being here is the reason that he can’t get to sleep, but that would be ridiculous. He’s fallen asleep in this bed alone before, though he’s never woken up alone as well. He spends the next hours tossing and turning until he eventually throws the towel in and just gets up. He gets redressed and makes his way back to the Institute, no one should object to him doing a 5AM training session. 

Alec is drained. Receiving messages and pictures from Magnus on his trip is giving him some sort of energy, but for the majority of the day he feels weighed down by a combination of fatigue and sadness, maybe even loneliness. He does catch a couple hours sleep in an uncomfortable position on his desk chair, readying him for patrol with Jace tonight, other than that he just cannot wait for Magnus to arrive home. 

This pattern persists. He goes on patrol with Jace and he’s fine, everything is fine, yet he goes back home to the loft and feels just as empty. He loves patrol with Jace, it’s one of the only times he gets alone with his parabatai these days anyway, but it doesn’t give him the warmth of normality that Magnus does. Again he attempts to sleep in their bed and it simply is not happening. He does try and get ahead on Clave reports in this time, not wanting to waste it, but realistically with his sleep deprived headache he’s getting nothing productive done. He’s up at 5AM, downing coffee before heading to the Institute, ignoring the way his limbs ache. 

This cycle repeats. On the fourth day he doesn’t even bother getting into bed, instead sitting on the sofa and mindlessly staring at the TV for a few hours instead. He is reluctant to tell Magnus because knowing him he’ll come rushing home, not caring about the importance of the Warlock summit. Deep down that’s what he wants, but he doesn’t want to draw Magnus away from his work, just because of his own needs. It’s unlikely that he’s going to keel over and die in the next three days so he’ll just keep on pretending to Magnus that everything’s fine at home. 

However, Alec does make some attempt at sleep when he realises that his eyelids keep falling shut every few minutes whilst he’s pushing through paperwork on a Thursday afternoon. He puts his reports on hold, knowing that he’s on patrol tonight and if he messes up due to tiredness that won’t only put his life in danger but Jace’s too. He lies down on the sofa in his office, not actually thinking that he’s going to be able to get to asleep at all. But he does. Within seconds after his eyes fall shut he’s out like a light, the slightly soft cushions of the sofa providing an adequate sleeping situation, even though its not ideal. 

Clary is the one that finds him, still asleep, an hour and a half later. She quickly goes off to find Jace, thinking that he should know a little bit more about Alec’s current situation, even if they haven’t talked about it. 

“I just found him like that, all I wanted was to ask if he’d do some extra training with me tomorrow?” Clary replies to Jace’s questioning as he leads her into Alec’s office. 

“Magnus is away for another couple days, and he’s been feeling pretty lonely. Maybe he hasn’t been sleeping that well?” Jace theorises as he stands next to the sofa, his hand already weaving through Alec’s hair gently. 

“That’s probably it,” Clary agrees, standing back slightly from the pair. 

“We’ll let him sleep for a couple more hours until we need to leave on patrol, he’ll need it,” 

—

Alec wakes up slightly disoriented with a blanket draped over him. The fact that this is one of Jace’s old blankets signals that his parabatai probably discovered him. The parabatai that’s also currently sitting on the table opposite him with a cup of tea in his hands. 

“Alec, y’know if you’re not okay to go out tonight we can get someone to fill in, you don’t have to push yourself unnecessarily,” Jace opens with, seeing the tiredness in Alec’s eyes. 

“No, Jace, I’m fine, I’ve done patrol on much worse terms, I can handle it, just trust me,” Alec presses, Magnus is back in literally six hours time he can make it until then. 

“If you say so brother,” Jace sighs, handing Alec the tea before going to gear up with Clary. 

Alec doesn’t reply with his own comment, instead happily taking the tea and pulling out his phone. Him and Magnus rarely messaged this entire week with how busy he’s been, but they managed to squeeze in one phone call a couple nights ago. Alec shoots off a quick text, just to say that he can’t wait to see him and to enjoy the end of summit party (he’s pretty sure that’s the only reason Magnus actually goes to these things). He doesn’t wait for Magnus to reply, favouring to get up and gear up, knowing that he’s going to be in for a long night. 

—

He’s correct about the long night, Clary decided to come along as well, so he has to deal with Jace trying to impress her whilst he simultaneously attempts to keep them both alive. Jace wanted to hit some hot demon spots and that’s exactly where they’ve gone. They’re fighting off a few ravener demons when Alec gets hit. A claw goes down his left arm, a shallow cut going from his shoulder down to his elbow, as he jumps in front of Clary to protect her from an oncoming demon. He shrugs it off in front of her, ignoring the blood that’s flowing down his arm until all the demons are gone.

“Alec! Did you get injured?” Clary immediately asks as soon as they’re all out of danger. Alec pulls a face, not wanting to admit to how serious it could be if there was any demon venom in the cut. 

“It’s superficial,” Alec protests as Jace forces his jacket sleeve down. 

“You’re not wrong,” Jace replies, already drawing an iratze near the cut, “but it is bleeding pretty quickly,” 

“We should call Magnus,” Clary says, reaching for her phone. 

“No! No, it’s fine, I’m fine,” Alec cuts in, trying to move from his position slouched against the wall to towards Clary. 

“You’re obviously not fine, why don’t you want us to call Magnus?” Jace questions, sliding his arm around Alec to steady him as the blood loss takes an effect. 

“He’s at the end of summit party right now and I don’t want to interrupt him. It’s the only reason why he goes anyway, plus he’s due back in about four hours” Alec replies, leaning a little bit more on Jace as he does. 

“Okay, we won’t call Magnus, but you’re coming back to the Institute with us and waiting for him there, not at the loft,” Clary takes charge, grabbing her stele and preparing to draw her portal rune. 

Jace lifts Alec off the wall and supports him upright as Clary opens her portal. He thinks of the Institute infirmary and walks through, hoping her navigation isn’t off by a few miles, he doesn’t think he’ll be able to drag Alec all that way. 

Luckily Clary has got a lot better at portal navigation because they end up right at the entrance to the infirmary. Jace quickly sets Alec down on the nearest bed and lets the healers do their work. He doesn’t leave, remaining close to his parabatai. Alec was right, it’s a superficial cut that will probably heal over once Magnus gets his magic over it, but he suspects that because Alec has been sleeping so poorly over the last week his ability to heal isn’t as good as it should be. The runes that the healers are drawing are barely taking effect, and the original iratze that he drew is doing more to stop the bleeding that anything else. 

“Guys, you just bandage him up and I’ll draw the runes okay?” Jace announces, walking over to Alec’s beside, taking his stele out of his pocket as he does. 

He lets the healers bandage up the arm that’s still sluggishly bleeding. Once they leave Jace reaches under Alec’s shirt and draws an amissio as close to the heart as he can get it. He doesn’t leave though, even once he knows that Alec is going to be okay. He turns to Clary, who’s just behind him to the left, deciding that he’ll deal with the slightly out of it Alec in a second. 

“Are you okay?” Jace asks, taking Clary’s hand as he turns to look at her. 

“I’m good, Alec took my would be injury, so I thank him for that,” Clary replies sweetly, squeezing Jace’s hand. 

“I know Izzy is in Alicante, but could you just text her to let her know what happened? I’m gonna stay with him until Magnus gets back, is that good with you?” 

“Yeah sure, enjoy your company,” Clary chuckles before waving goodbye to the pair. 

Jace turns back, properly looking over Alec for the first time. His jacket sleeve is all ripped and bloody, so are his jeans, but other than that not much damage done. He looks worn and completely out of it, but that’s nothing Magnus can’t fix. 

“Alec, do you need anything before you go to sleep?” Jace questions, crossing the room and picking up a blanket whilst he does. 

“Uh, can you just stay close?” Alec flushes, looking away from Jace as he asks. 

“I was planning on doing that anyway, but if you move over I’ll even let you sleep in my lap,” Jace teases, walking back over with the blanket. 

To his minimal surprise Alec moves over slowly, so Jace takes his boots off and jumps up onto the bed. Jace sits up against the headboard, laying his right leg down flat and leaving his left knee bent. He reaches for another pillow and places it on his lap, Alec’s head quickly falls into it, his body curling around itself as he gets into a comfortable position. Jace’s hand naturally falls into Alec’s hair, the other easily places itself on his back. 

“This is a role reversal,” Alec chuckles as Jace’s hand starts to card through his messy hair. 

“I had to grow up and do the comforting at one point Alec,” Jace smiles back, remembering the times when he would sneak into Alec’s bed when he had nightmares. 

“It’s nice, but I’ll be back to being the ultimate comforter and big brother once I’m healed,” Alec reminds him, knowing that his sleep deprived state won’t last for long. 

“Is there any reason why you’re so tired?” Jace trails, not wanting to push too hard but seeing the need to make Alec open up just a little. 

“I was lonely without Magnus, I just couldn’t get to sleep,” Alec states, feeling a lot more vulnerable than he did two minutes ago. Jace’s hand in his hair stills as he takes in what Alec just said. 

“Okay buddy, well hopefully you can sleep now,” Jace resumes brushing through Alec’s hair, knowing that this is a topic that he should definitely mention to Magnus once he gets here. 

He never thought Alec would get lonely, he guesses that he’s always had someone with him, whether it be Max on his rare appearance to the New York Institute, or when they were younger Jace himself. Now he hasn’t spent a night without Magnus in months, he’s not used to sleeping on his own. But of course he didn’t want to mention it to Magnus, even when it was becoming a real problem. He’s so closed off, he didn’t tell Jace or Izzy, even if Jace could feel his discomfort and loneliness. 

He lets Alec drift off, making sure his phone is in reaching distance so when Magnus arrives home and doesn’t know where he is, he can text him easily. He keeps his stele close too, seeing that blood is just beginning to seep through Alec’s bandage again. It shouldn’t be long until Magnus gets back, maybe another two hours, only then will he know that Alec will be completely settled. 

Alec receives three texts in the time he is asleep, one from Izzy which is a promise to kick his ass if he pulls a stunt like this again, and two from Magnus, the first is a reply saying that he can’t wait to get home and also misses Alec, and the second a ‘I’ll be home in five minutes!’ Jace replies to Magnus, telling him that Alec is at the Institute, hoping he doesn’t worry when he types infirmary. Which apparently is exactly what happens because five seconds after Magnus reads the message a portal is opened right in the middle of the room. 

Magnus steps out quickly, a look of worry plastered over his features. He takes in his surroundings rapidly, spotting Alec sleeping in Jace’s lap within the blink of an eye. He walks over to the beside, taking a seat on the end of the bed once he gives a look to Jace. His hand immediately makes its way to hold Alec’s. 

“What happened?” Magnus whispers, knowing that Alec is a light sleeper. 

“He got injured on mission whilst trying to protect Clary. It’s a superficial wound but it’s not healing like it should because he’s so exhausted,” Jace answers, slowly removing his hand from Alec’s hair in order to wake him up gradually. 

“Why is he so tired?” Magnus looks down at Alec, Jace is right, the dark circles under his eyes are showing a lot more than desired. 

“I think that’s something he has to talk about with you,” Jace leaves it there, placing a hand on Alec’s back, trying to gently pat him awake, “hey Alec, someone’s here to see you,” 

Alec slowly blinks awake, immediately trying to bury himself deeper into the covers as he’s finally getting some half decent sleep in the past week. He soon feels another hand in his though, one that’s definitely not Jace’s because it’s a lot smoother, has many rings attached, and just feels like a comforting weight in his hand. He brings his head off the pillow, realising the hand has to be Magnus’. 

“Magnus?” Alec croaks, his voice rusty and thick with sleep. He tries to push himself up to a sitting position so he can properly hug Magnus but falters half way through, his body not having much strength left. 

“Alexander, what have you gotten yourself into?” Magnus chides lovingly. He’s more worried than anything, a superficial cut he can heal within a few minutes, an event that happened within the week that Alec has left him in the dark about? Now that might be a little harder to fix. 

Magnus helps Alec sit up so Jace can slide out from underneath the blanket and make his quick escape. Once Jace is gone Alec immediately curls up into Magnus’ chest, his head placed carefully on Magnus’ collarbone as his hand fiddle with each other on his lap. 

“Can you take me home?” Alec asks pleadingly, disliking the cold walls of the Institute. 

“As long as we talk about what happened once we’re there,” Magnus reminds, letting him know that he’s not getting out of this easily. 

Magnus helps Alec stand, not bothering to shove his boots back on his feet as he opens a portal to the loft. Alec winces as Magnus takes his bad arm to guide him through the portal, being able to feel the wound start to bleed again. Even though he’s injured and still a little lightheaded from lack of sleep, Alec doesn’t keel over from the sensation of portal travel, he remains upright as he enters the loft. 

Magnus points to the sofa, indicating that he should take a seat before hurriedly moving around the loft, gathering what looks to be potion ingredients. 

“You’re not going to make me drink a terrible potion are you?” Alec questions unhappily, seeing the typical ingredients for a healing potion in Magnus’ arms. 

“I could just heal you with my magic but seeing that you let yourself suffer all week a potion can’t do you much harm,” Magnus chuckles as he throws things inside a pot, whilst simultaneously trying to brew tea as well. 

“You’re a cold man Magnus Bane,” Alec halfheartedly sulks, disliking his methods in healing. 

“I’ve got you to warm me up darling,” Magnus replies not a second later, turning to blow a kiss at Alec before going back to stirring his potion, “why don’t you go take a shower, get all that ichor and blood off you before I cuddle you to death,” 

Alec goes and does just that. He doesn’t allow himself long in the shower as he simply doesn’t have the energy to do much more than let the water wash over him. He chucks his dirty clothes straight in the basket and replaces them with a new, softer top and some old sweatpants. He’s at least ten times more comfortable, which makes him even more tired. He sits on the edge of the bed and starts to towel his hair dry when Magnus walks in with his completed potion. 

“Do I have to drink that?” Alec whines as Magnus stands tall over him. 

“Unless you want your wound to get infected, then yes,” Magnus replies, handing the little shot glass over with a smirk. 

“Okay, I know you’re just doing this to be mean,” Alec groans, looking at the glass like it might kill him. 

“No it will genuinely heal you faster and better than my magic,” Magnus laughs, putting one hand on Alec’s shoulder has he prepares to down the potion.

“Do you remember when you got me to take that ginger shot and I threw up immediately after?” 

“Don’t stall,” 

Alec gives Magnus one last apprehensive look before taking the shot to his lips and downing it. He makes a face of disgust but it doesn’t come straight back up so Magnus calls that a win. 

“Okay sleepyhead, lets get into bed,” Magnus says. 

Alec doesn’t hesitate, quickly curling up under the covers. Magnus snaps his fingers and changes into some silky combination before climbing into bed as well. Magnus settles himself against the headboard, sinking into the soft pillows that he missed for the week. Alec adjusts the bandage on his arm before resting his head on Magnus’ chest, his injured arm rested carefully over Magnus’ torso. Alec throws one of his legs over Magnus’, in response Magnus loops his arm around Alec’s back, his hand just centimetres away from his wound. 

“I missed you so much,” Alec says, his tone sounding soppy and emotional. Now that he’s back, tucked safe in Magnus’ arms he realises how much his statement holds true. 

“I missed you too darling, but what’s this about you not being able to heal properly?” Magnus pushes, not wanting to leave the situation ambiguous. 

“I didn’t sleep well when you were gone, the bed was so empty and I think that’s why I couldn’t sleep all week,” Alec doesn’t look up at Magnus, instead fiddling with his empty hands, wanting to avoid any eye contact with his boyfriend. 

“Oh Alexander, you should know that you can always come to me for anything, no matter what’s going on in my life, especially with something as bad as this,” 

“It wasn’t that bad, I was coping,” Alec protests, trying to make the situation seem better than it was. 

“If we switched places and I was the one who was struggling, you would have wanted me to tell you, how is this any different?” Magnus rebukes, knowing that Alec doesn’t have a leg to stand on. 

“I know, it’s just I didn’t want to disrupt your work, it’s important,” Alec continues to justify his point, which is ultimately getting nowhere with Magnus. 

“Nothing, and I mean nothing, _is as or more important to me than you_ okay? If you had got seriously injured, or got poisoned by the demon, I’d blame that on me not being there for you. I want and need you to be honest and to trust me, I’m never going to be angry or upset if you have to pull me away from work, you’re too precious for me to be,” Magnus finished, fully driving the point home. 

“I get it, I’m sorry,” Alec apologises, slipping his hand into Magnus’s as he does. 

“No need for apologies, just promise me that you’ll tell me when you’re struggling next time,” 

“I promise,” 

“I love you,” 

“I love you too,”

**Author's Note:**

> enjoyed?? please leave kudos and comments down below !! <3


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